To SURFERS PARADISE. I could see that there was a lot of sea. And sand. And surf even. So they definitely got the surfer's bit right. I wasn't 100% sure about the suffix though so I double checked the definition. It's 'a place of extreme beauty, delight, or happiness'. I don't know, make up you're own mind...
I will admit that after staying in the Surfers Paradise Backpackers Resort for the next four nights, my initial impression did alter slightly. I'll say this for SP, they run it well. There were lifeguards every 100 metres or so, all with their souped up 4WDs and other technical lifeguardy type stuff. And the beach goes on forever. And by forever, I mean forever. Or 70k to be more exact. Then there's a flying-fox colony. When I eventually found them, it turns out that a flying fox is a bat. I was starting to notice a pattern here, Paradise, Foxes. They like to play with words. Cheat with words is another way of looking at it. Anyways, those foxes, they sure can poop good. Smart too. Although they generally hang upside down, come lavatorial time they hang from their thumbs and let loose. It made some really pretty patterns. And so many colours. They leave us humings in the ha'penny place.
I subsequently heard a story about Surfers. I was told that all the clubs in town are run by four pikeys. They push all their drugs through them apparently. I knew there were loads of Irish travelling these parts but I didn't realise there were Travellers this far south. Running the shop. No tarmac required. Turns out it was BIKEYS. That makes a lot more sense.
Henceforth I will stay only in backpackers. Not Youth Hostels. Backpackers allow slightly crusty, older gentlemen to stay by right. Youth Hostels - those places are just full to the brim with the youths and their strange ways - drinking, snoring, not sleeping, snoring louder. It would appear from the bulk of that list that I am no longer a youth.
And so the day of the wedding drew nearer. I was so nervous. I didn't know whether I could go through with it. In the end I decided there was nothing else I could do. Yellow flip-flops it was. I thought they went well with my grey slacks, grey shirt and grey tie. Before I got to the ceremony, I ventured through the town one last time. And lo and behold, there was a pro beach volleyball competition taking place at 8.30 in the AM. Being a curious touristy type, I thought it best to observe. Purely for scientific purposes. How did the offshore breeze affect the ball's trajectory? Does the density of the sand affect the player's jumping ability? All that sort of stuff. Here, you can judge for yourself.
Temporarily losing track of time and then getting on the wrong bus (I know, can you believe it?!?), I arrived at the Sheraton Mirage at 10.07am. Loads of time. The ceremony wasn't due to commence til 10.15. The backpackers unfortunately had no iron so I brought my costume rolled up in the back of my pack. Classy til the end. I approached the concierge and demanded the use of an iron post-haste. He asked if I was staying in one of their rooms. Oh how we laughed. He apologised but that they only had irons in the rooms. For guests. Of the rooms. I stared blankly. Then I cried a little bit. I've seen the movies, I know how it works. Eventually concierge guy asked me for my shirt, disappeared for five minutes, returned with a freshly pressed garment and apologised that it was the best he could do. I OWE YOU CONCIERGE GUY.
The ceremony was very nice. Mike asked Lillian. Lillian asked Mike. They all said yes. Even the women with the very orange make-up. I assume she was from Delmonte. Here's the happy couple....
Lillian looked fantastic. As did the bridesmaids. And the usher. And the flower girls. Mike was there too. Afterwards we adjourned for four hours before Mike very kindly collected me and drove me to Brisbane. He brought his wife along too. That evening we sat down to a sumptuous 12 course feast including jellyfish (surprisingly similar to stringy jelly), lobsters and orange slices. All washed down with copious amounts of free booze. My very favourite flavour. Just to note, our digestion was ably assisted throughout this whole process by a medley of vietnamese karaoke numbers performed by several members of Lillian's extended family. They may very well have sang them to perfection. It's hard to say. In case you were interested, my table sang en mass. We sang She Bangs by Ricky Martin. Some people asked for their money back and left.
Oh and I almost forgot the ceremonial cutting of the cake. They appear to be trying to cut it with a purple balloon sword. At least I hope that's what it is. This is a family show...
And so ended the first week of my epic adventure. A pretty tame affair it's true. But it's early yet.
Book: I was mostly reading The Girl with the Glass Feet' by Ali Shaw. I heartily recommend it. In fact I give it 4 heartilys out of 5.
Music: Highlight from my collection - The Chairs with their EP Laugh, It's a Fright.
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